September 27, 2011
Weekly message from Susun Weed
“The leaves are coloring as night time temperatures dip. Time to make herbal honeys.
I find it hard to believe that some morning soon the mints will be blackened by frost, but I know it is coming. So I steel myself, literally. I pick up my kitchen shears, and cut stalks of rosemary, sage, peppermint, lemon balm, catnip, and lavender. I snip each herb into a wide-mouth jar and fill the jar to the top with local wildflower honey, cap and label.
When winter winds blow, a big spoonful of herbal honey in a cup of boiling water wards off colds, soothes my throat, and warms my bones.
I hope you will join me this weekend, oct 1 and/or oct 2 for two work/learn days. Let’s make some herbal honeys together, press cider, tidy up the gardens, stack the firewood, and tend to the animals.”
Green blessings. Susun Weed
Wise Woman Ways – A Tool for Compassionate Listening by Linda Conroy
When I was introduced to the wise woman tradition, I was curious about the tenant of compassionate listening. I heard this as compassionately listening to the self, the plants, nature and others, yet was not sure how to apply this. As I have deepened my understanding of compassionate listening I have found several tools that have assisted me in bringing this tangibly into my life.
One of these tools is a model of compassionate communication developed by Marshal Rosenberg. I was introduced to this model while participating in a residential herbal/wise woman apprenticeship at Ravencroft Gardens in Monroe, WA. I immediately felt like I had found home.
This model seems simple yet as I dance in the spiral that is my life and incorporate self-empathy, I continually discover new aspects that contribute to my life. As part of the apprenticeship program that I now offer we learn and practice this model as we explore herbal wisdom and wise woman ways. Compassionate communication offers an intention that facilitates connecting deeply with the self, the green world as well as other people.
The aspect of this model that I encourage apprentices to focus on is that of self empathy or compassionate listening to themselves, which ultimately leads to compassionate listening to the natural world as well as other people. In these difficult times I trust there would be a radical shift if we each simply focused on self-empathy. Much of what happens in our daily interactions starts with how we have learned to relate to ourselves.
The main goal of compassionate communication is connection: whether we are talking about ourselves, nature or other people. This is contrary to the goal of the communication many of us have learned. Many of us have learned to blame ourselves, blame others or disconnect from nature as a way to distract from our feelings and needs. The basis of compassionate communication is to focus on feelings and needs. Identifying our true feelings and needs is a large part of this journey and one that requires patience and diligence since many of use are not even sure what our feelings and needs are.
In the case of self-empathy we can notice an internal dialogue and any self-effacing messages. Like for example, the weeks when I forget to take my trash out and the can is full, I tell myself how stupid I am to have forgotten once again. I can easily go down this road and continue giving myself a hard time. Of course this only leads to me feeling depressed every time I think about the trash.
Now I can turn this around using compassionate communication. I do this by changing my internal dialogue to one that focuses on my feelings and needs. I use the self-effecting message as a red flag that I have feelings and needs that are not being attended to. I might say to myself instead: “I’m feeling disappointed that I forgot to take the trash out and my need for ease in the upcoming week is not met.” Here I can realize what my needs are, need for ease, and I can get my need met some other way.
On one occasion when I forgot to take the trash out, I asked my neighbor if I could put a bag of trash in their can that week and they agreed. Through this interaction I discovered that I could be creative and reduce my waste as well. Reducing my waste helps me to meet my need to contribute to the health of planet. If I had kept beating myself up, I probably would have had an overflowing trash can and would not have embraced the opportunity to connect with my neighbor and to unfold a deeper need to contribute in other ways. This is one simple example of many that have led me to deepen my relationship with myself, the plants, other people and the earth.
Compassionate communication offers opportunities to cultivate relationships with others as well as ourselves that are life enhancing. The model developed by Marshall Rosenberg first invites us to make an observation that is judgment free: so in the case of my trash, I would say to myself, I notice that I forgot to take out the trash. Then I would notice what feelings came up: I felt disappointed and frustrated. Next I would identify the need: I want ease in my upcoming week, particularly in dealing with the waste that will accumulate. After I have offered myself empathy and/or understanding, I can choose whether an action is needed or if receiving understanding was the action. In the case of the trash I chose to make a request, which is the 4th part of compassionate communication (*the request is critical when dialoguing with others). I requested of myself that I ask for space in my neighbor’s trash can and that I conserve and try to create less waste. These things both brought life to the situation and turned it into something fun.
Compassionate communication has offered me opportunities like these to enjoy my own life more fully as well as to enjoy connecting with others. At times when things do not seem resolvable and I feel hopeless, sticking to my feelings and needs has lead to miracles and connections that I could not have imagined. This resonates with the goal of the Wise Woman Tradition, which holds health in the form of unimaginable transformations. Taking the fours steps identified above and applying them to interactions that occur in my daily life have revealed pearls in situations that seemed impossible.
This model can also be used to promote health. Compassionately listening to our bodies and asking the wise woman questions of how can we get our needs met. Many times our wise bodies can offer keen insights.
Below is the four part model that was described in this article. Have fun and play with these questions in your life, see if you can find a few hidden treasures.
- Make an observation (without judgment)
- Identify your feelings connected to the observation
- Identify your needs connected to the feeling
- Make a request of yourself or others (check to be sure you are making a request and not a demand)
For more information about nonviolent communication visit http://www.cnvc.org/ Linda Conroy is a wise woman herbalist who dedicates her life to exploring, sharing and incorporating the wise woman tradition into daily life. She is the proprietress of Moonwise Herbs and is a mentor at the Wise Woman University. She offers workshops, apprenticeship programs, handcrafted herbal wares and much more!
Learn about Linda’s offerings at the Wise Woman University…
Published by wwezine on September 28th, 2011 Tagged Ezine Articles
September 28th, 2011 at 12:34 am
Welcome!